Have you ever felt “broken”?

Goodness, I cannot believe it has almost been a year since my last post!  Clearly time has gotten the best of me 🙂

My question for you today is have you ever felt “broken”, whether it be a broken heart or just the feeling of something not being right.  Although this “broken” feeling has obviously left you feeling sad or not 100% it is a “normal” feeling and many of us just deal with it and move on with our lives not giving it a second thought.

But how many “broken” feelings go unnoticed?, or unresolved or even misunderstood????

Yesterday my heart was “broken” and still is feeling “broken”   – Which is what has lead me to writing this post.

My Autistic son (12yrs) called me to his room yesterday and said to me “Mom, do you know I am a broken human being?”

I asked him why he would think he is broken – to which he replied – I don’t know whilst shrugging his shoulders……  I of course reassured him that each person on this earth is different – whether we be quirky, pretty, handsome, kind, weird, loving, angry, blonde hair, brown hair, short, tall, fat, thin or even autistic!  Whether we fitted in with the way most people are or not.  And of course that I loved him for who he is and wouldn’t change a thing!

Its amazing, when he was first diagnosed I was grateful for having a “reason” for his speech delay, his outbursts, his quirky behaviour.  I now find myself being less grateful for the diagnosis as people tend to have a preconceived idea of what his and my life is like or what it will be in the future – and they comment as such.  This is not fair!  Not only to him but to me as well – Who are you to judge or comment.  Walk in our shoes for a day, a week, a month and then let us know your opinion.

I am glad my child could tell me he felt he was broken but I am still questioning in my mind as to why he felt this way.

Has he perhaps been told he is broken? – never to be repaired???

Has he perhaps overheard a couple of comments?  (which i admit I have let slide because he has been in the vicinity and i have not wanted to draw attention to this naivety ).

Its amazing – if there is a diagnosis then :-

Every tantrum – people have seen as being “autistic”

Every expression – people have seen as being “autistic”

Every negative emotion – people have seen as being “autistic”

Guess what people….. every neurotypical child has a tantrum, every neurotypical child sometimes expresses something cringeworthy, every neurotypical child has a negative emotion – HELL even I do!!!!

I  hate the fact that everyone is expected to conform to what society deems as being acceptable!  Seriously people get off your high horse, think outside the box and accept those who are a little different.  Always remember that you don’t know what YOUR future holds.

I will not lie that I don’t sometimes wish I had an easy, normal, plod along life …..  But….. that certainly does not make me love my child any less.  In fact I love who he is, his character, his humour, his intelligence (which far surpasses some!), the laughter he brings to our lives.

Have I been blessed – most certainly

Is my child “Broken”- most certainly NOT!

People in general need to take a step back and view the scene in its entirety, take a step back and think “how would I cope”, take a step back and think “how would I feel”?  Give a small little bit of understanding as it is this understanding that could move mountains. It is this understanding that could cause someone feeling less broken!!

And so I challenge you – Go out there tomorrow and make someone feel less broken and if you can’t do that then perhaps they aren’t the ones who are broken ! – Just some food for thought.

And so to both my sons (my first born and my autistic one) – You are both extremely special to me in your own ways.  Never let anyone judge you.  Never feel ashamed of what or who you are, what you achieve or what anyone thinks of you. and never ever think you are broken!  You are both my heroes and no-one can determine what you are capable of.  Go out there, reach for the stars and both of you will achieve great things. I honestly believe that.

And so my boys, always remember that if I had a star for every time you made me smile, the entire night sky would be in the palm of my hand! Go out there and go for it and soon the entire night sky will be in the palm of your hands !- Love you both so very much xxxx