Again I am staring at my blinking cursor knowing what I want to say but not quite know how to word it. I find myself asking myself why I am so worried about how I word things, so as not to upset someone else, when they just seem to say what they think and not worry about my feelings???
Am I being sensitive?….perhaps
Should I ignore it?……..perhaps
Should I let it slide?….perhaps
or should I try and educate?….definitely!!!
When I was growing up, I used to be opinionated. One thing that stands out in my mind is saying to my mom “my kids one day will never behave like that!” when watching screaming kids in the supermarket.. Once I had my own kids I began to understand what these parents were going through !! Having had one child, on the autism spectrum I REALLY understood what these parents went through 🙂
I have had many comments made to me over the years, most I have let slide, but then I have felt guilty that I didn’t have the courage to speak up and set the record straight. I am not a confrontational person, and do tend to try and pick my battles, but that has always left me with the feeling of “I wish I had said that”or “I wish I had given some food for thought!” I am sure a lot of us feel like that and therefore I have decided to write this post …
- “You are so lucky when you get into your car there is just silence” said to me when my child was completely mute. Lady, did you not realise all my heart longed for was for my child to be able to tell me about his day, his feelings, his needs, his wants?? How could you have been so cruel…..or did you really believe this was lucky?…..think before you speak
- “This is F@&ing ridiculous, can’t you control your child” Dear Sir, did you not realise my child was having a meltdown because he couldn’t verbalise what was upsetting him in the shop that day as he was basically completely mute? I hope no-one in your family ever has to experience what I did today…..I cried that evening !
- “There is something wrong with his brain”– I covered this one in my previous post – How do you explain Autism – All I want to say is there is nothing wrong with his brain – it just works a little different
- “I don’t know how you deal with this“- well we have to deal with it, just the same as you deal with your neurotypical child’s tantrums. Just because my child has a diagnosis, doesn’t mean I have to be something special to cope – besides if you were faced with the same you as a parent would cope with it too!
- “If he is behaving like this now, can you imagine what you will be dealing with when he is 20” Again, is this just because he has a diagnosis? How do you know for sure how your child is going to behave when he is 20?. Nobody does! You have to pray, teach and believe in your child’s future. You have to mould them into what you would like them to be and you have to believe that your dreams for them will come true. I have every faith in both my boys that they will both accomplish great things in life.
And whilst I don’t have to explain this to anyone, Jordan has come a far, far, far way in this journey! From being completely mute to being able to speak his mind. His intellect is far superior to ours and his academics are almost age appropriate. I have no lesser dreams for him than I have for my other son.
I strongly believe that he will continue to make progress and that one day he WILL be self sufficient. Yes, he speaks his mind, and gets upset at some things we may find trivial. Yes, he gets a little stressed when things don’t go his way or when he’s had enough but guess what, so do I!! I just don’t verbalise it like he does (sometimes I wish I could)!
And so my little food for thought…. is Don’t comment on someone else’s future when you don’t know for certain what your or their future holds. Don’t comment on what someone else is dealing with when you don’t know exactly what they are handling.
Don’t ever suggest to a childs BEST CHEERLEADER that he would be worse off later in life, especially when, not only does she have all of the specialists/school reports, but she knows of how hard they both have worked to be able to realise this progress that has been achieved!!! She also knows and believes in her gut and in her heart that he will be capable of great things!
And so my wish for everyones future is not only that you and yours achieve great things in life, but that you also learn from those who come into your life ….perhaps they may just have some insight worth teaching! I have definitely learnt from people who have come into my life, especially on this journey. xxxxx