Learning to let go….one step at a time.

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This past week I had to go into hospital for an operation.  To say I was nervous would be an understatement.  I was nervous on so many levels; nervous for the op itself, nervous for if I didn’t come out of the op – how would my kids deal with this – especially my Autistic son.

You see, and yes I will admit it, Ive been babying him, doing almost everything for him.  How would he cope if his mother didn’t come back?  My husband on numerous occasions has told me I do to much for these boys, they will be different by the time I get home 😉 – I was seriously worried at how Jord would cope.

Although you could see Jordy was rather stressed by the fact that I was in hospital and staying there for a week, not coming home with him after visiting hours, he handled it pretty well.  No crying, just lots of running back to the corner of the doorway to blow me more kisses 🙂 I was finally discharged on Friday and we fetched the boys from school en-route home.  Jordy was the first stop – great excitement to see me with a “Mommy”and then a “Thank you for coming back to us”- bless his little heart.  My oldest son was excited too to see me back.  I guess they thought things were going to revert back to mom doing everything for them again.  Little did they realise they would in fact need to help me, as I cannot do anything basically for 6 weeks.

And so Jordys first opportunity arose when I asked him to pick up my cellphone which I had dropped on the floor – which he did; I then asked him to take my dinner plate to the kitchen, which he did.  Later on I asked him to bring me something from my bathroom to which he answered “you know mom, you also have legs” 🙂  what an awesome, typical response.  after explaining to him how sore I am and how I had to take it easy  and that with the stitches I really can’t do much he said well ok then.

But then over the weekend came something I was not prepared for……Dylan came and told me he was going to his friends house (on the other side of the complex) and off he went.  Jordan came running through shortly afterwards to say he was going to go and find Dylan at this friends house and out he ran before I could say anything. I was in a flat panic – I didn’t even know if Jordan knew which house was this friends.  I couldn’t go after him as I can barely walk (just to try and get up out of bed takes me about ten minutes) and so I frantically send this mom a message to tell her to let me know if Jordan gets to her house or if he doesn’t to send Dylan to look for him.  She replies to say they not home. Now I know Dylan would have just gone to another friend in the complex but what about Jordan.

Just when my heart was about to give in I hear Jordan come through the door shouting Im back and his brother and another friend in tow.  Apparently Jordan went to the friends house and when no-one was there went to the other friends house in search of his brother – It seems I don’t give him enough credit!  Seems he can look after himself!! – how is mother going to cope 🙂

This morning it was awesome to see him getting his own clothes out for school, packing his own school bag, getting his own breakfast and pouring his own school juice bottles. So yes Im learning to let go and trying to accept that even though he has autism he can fend for himself. I just need to learn how to let go of the frantic worry until he gets home again! And this morning as I hobbled back to my bed after waving them off to school I realised that just as I am taking actual small, slow steps now after my op I am also taking small, slow steps in letting go, and I did so with a huge smile – as my baby is a big boy now – but still he blew me lots of kisses from the back of the car 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Learning to let go….one step at a time.

  1. That is really taking the first steps. Will keep you all in prayer. My Grandson is also Autistic. God Bless 🙂

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